In the first days, it was my innate instinct to cling to all that was life and light…. She was NOT dead. Only her body had gone the way of all the earth—her spirit lived on. I knew it was so. I still do. Her presence has never left me. Sure, there are moments she is elsewhere, off on some important errand, but she always comes back.

The very night she died, I felt her presence at my bedside…she was checking in on me. She wanted to comfort me. I bravely told her I was going to be okay, and to go do whatever it was she needed to do. She was reluctant to leave me. My sweet girl… she was always so attentive to my needs.

I have strived mind over matter since that most dark night to remind myself that she is truly not dead, but lives on in the most beautiful state imaginable. My heart aches to hold her close… In this I grieve, but I do not despair, for I know I shall see her again, and hold her again, and laugh with her again, and make joyous music with her again.

This is a key element I have come to recognize as “grief, but not despair.” It could also be related to “faith—not fear.” There have been numerous moments I easily could have started to slip into despair, but in those darkest of times, my Father in Heaven has ALWAYS rescued me… often by way of sending me one of His tender mercies. I will never doubt even the smallest of miracles… To me, they are not coincidences, but rather precious signs of His deep love for each and every one of us. 

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