How does one come to terms with the fact that they are grieving the loss of their child due to another human being’s reckless behavior? I do not know. It is a question I face anew every single day. When it was announced in the hospital’s chapel that most horribly dark night that, “Miss Josie did not make it…,” my mind went silent and my heart raced to no end. It mattered not how it had occurred, nor who was responsible. All that mattered was that my precious daughter was no more.
How does one even come to terms with their child’s death—aside from the fact that someone else was horribly negligent and caused it to happen?!! I do not know. All I cared about was that my daughter was gone, not ever to return again in this life. Wait…what?!!!! Never again would I embrace that sweet, tender soul who was my little Josie. It just did not register. It still does not register… Josie was larger than life. Everything about her was exceptional. Mostly, Josie was love.
It would be nearly 6 weeks before we had a solid confirmation from the police department stating that she had been hit head-on by a drunk and drugged driver. We had heard rumors, but nothing definitive. The driver of the other car survived—barely. I stood in the same room at the ER on the night of the accident as the doctors worked on him and my husband simultaneously. I even prayed for him. For all I knew then, my sweet Josie could have been the cause of the accident…!!! Heaven answered, and he lived. It is curious.
How does one reconcile their feelings in a situation like this? I still do not know. We fought hard to have him put behind bars because he had clearly disregarded the law, and we believed it was the right thing to do—for Josie, and for the sake of all innocent drivers that are constantly at risk of such hellish incidents. However, in spite of what others may think, I bear that man no grudge.
He will be forever attached to my daughter’s life and death. As much as I would like to ignore him, and the piece he played, it is impossible. I often find myself wondering what Josie might feel toward this man that robbed her in one of the worst ways imaginable…
It is not fair. It simply cannot be made right in this life. And so, I leave it alone for now. My greatest hurt is that he might possibly be more sorry he wrecked his own life, instead of being more sorrowful for what he stole from her, but my greatest hope is that he will somehow come out of this a better person. Josie would want that.
I believe I’m a better person because of her sweetness.
Josie would be happy and honored to know that, as am I.
Thanks for sharing, and thank you for reading!!!
~Michelle ❤️
Our son and his best friend died when they were broadsided by a drunk driver who was going twice the posted speed limit. Our son was 19, his friend 20 and the drunk driver was 18. The drunk driver literally walked away from the accident. I can honestly say that I have never hated the kid. To be truthful, I didn’t think of him at all other than what we had to deal with during the legal proceedings. At 19, he went to prison “with the big boys,” serving 2 2/3 years of a 4 year sentence for two counts of vehicular homicide. It still boggles my mind in so many ways that he served so little time for taking the lives of two great kids. His live goes on, while Jason’s doesn’t. I don’t think I’ve ever come to grips with the fact that Jason is gone. He was an amazing young man and I miss him more than words can say.
Hugs to you – from a mama who has walked a similar path,
Becky
Rebecca, I am so very sorry to hear this…It tears at my heart greatly to witness other people have to endure this nightmare. It also goes to show just how very common these deaths by drunk/drugged drivers actually are…It is simply unacceptable (not to mention the lenient sentence!!!). Also, you did not say how long ago your son lost his life, but your comment reflects what I feel about how that pain NEVER goes away—nor does it lessen. We will forever long to hold our precious children in our arms again…Thank you for your comment, and much love to you!!!
~Michelle ❤️
Josie was too precious to hate, I’m sure she wouldn’t be angry or spiteful on her own behalf. She often talked me down when I was upset over something. Though she loved her father very much, I imagine she would be incredibly upset that he was injured so badly. She was protective of those she loved. Motherly really.
I will have to say that I hated the man that caused the accident to begin with. I hated him for his irreparable recklessness that took so much from so many. I don’t hate him anymore, I suppose. My anger has softened, but now when I think about it, everything goes cold, you know? Like the blood drains out of your fingers and toes and your throat gets tight. I guess you would call that devastation.
Brittni, I so understand what you mean about your anger…It is something I try to not even give my attention to, because I feel utterly helpless when I consider how to reconcile the damage. And I agree about Josie being extremely protective of her own—even fierce. She was definitely motherly, too! Devastation at the very least…😢 I so love you my friend, and thank you for being such a true friend to Josie—even now!!! She is no doubt very proud of you for continuing with your violin studies in spite of the circumstances. ❤️❤️❤️
Michele, a part of my story surrounding Robbie’s death many are not aware of is that six months before Robbie died, his girlfriend Marilyn was killed in a head-on collision on her way to visit her aunt. A drunk driver got onto the freeway going the wrong way. The man responsible broke a rib. I can’t tell you how much it grieved me to see Rob having to deal with this tragedy. 2015 was a sad year indeed for our family. Heart hugs.
I am so incredibly sorry to hear this, Debbie. I had no idea… What a sad story you have. Thank you for sharing that with me—we have more in common than I previously realized… I am so thankful to have found you, my friend. ❤️🙏❤️