How does one come to terms with the fact that they are grieving the loss of their child due to another human being’s reckless behavior? I do not know. It is a question I face anew every single day. When it was announced in the hospital’s chapel that most horribly dark night that, “Miss Josie did not make it…,” my mind went silent and my heart raced to no end. It mattered not how it had occurred, nor who was responsible. All that mattered was that my precious daughter was no more.
How does one even come to terms with their child’s death—aside from the fact that someone else was horribly negligent and caused it to happen?!! I do not know. All I cared about was that my daughter was gone, not ever to return again in this life. Wait…what?!!!! Never again would I embrace that sweet, tender soul who was my little Josie. It just did not register. It still does not register… Josie was larger than life. Everything about her was exceptional. Mostly, Josie was love.
It would be nearly 6 weeks before we had a solid confirmation from the police department stating that she had been hit head-on by a drunk and drugged driver. We had heard rumors, but nothing definitive. The driver of the other car survived—barely. I stood in the same room at the ER on the night of the accident as the doctors worked on him and my husband simultaneously. I even prayed for him. For all I knew then, my sweet Josie could have been the cause of the accident…!!! Heaven answered, and he lived. It is curious.
How does one reconcile their feelings in a situation like this? I still do not know. We fought hard to have him put behind bars because he had clearly disregarded the law, and we believed it was the right thing to do—for Josie, and for the sake of all innocent drivers that are constantly at risk of such hellish incidents. However, in spite of what others may think, I bear that man no grudge.
He will be forever attached to my daughter’s life and death. As much as I would like to ignore him, and the piece he played, it is impossible. I often find myself wondering what Josie might feel toward this man that robbed her in one of the worst ways imaginable…
It is not fair. It simply cannot be made right in this life. And so, I leave it alone for now. My greatest hurt is that he might possibly be more sorry he wrecked his own life, instead of being more sorrowful for what he stole from her, but my greatest hope is that he will somehow come out of this a better person. Josie would want that.