The Hardest Thing I Ever Did…

The Hardest Thing I Ever Did…

It was not the tragic way you died, though that was hard to bear… Nor was it standing in that courtroom, with your killer sitting there…

Through tragedy in my childhood, and follies in my youth, To young adult and all alone as I searched for what was truth…

Motherhood in a foreign land, where I was but a grain of sand, Toiling from dawn ‘till dusk, with cracked and bleeding hands.

Sometimes there was but a crumb of bread and only a bit of broth, But always God provided hope that tomorrow would not be lost…

Four years later, then back to the States, and again amongst strangers… So much had changed—it was not the same, nor what I had wagered.

More work, more worry—raising children by the sweat of my brow… Yet God stood in our midst; we knew He would never let us down!

You flourished, you were fed, you blossomed and you grew, Until that fateful day, when you had to go heavenward anew…

I desperately watched your siblings suffer, your papi was destroyed… He had been the unfortunate one to witness the death of Joy.

Oh, how you are loved—Your light it lingers still. The man who sent you to your grave has paid a heavy bill…

His actions, though preventable, were never done with malice, But nonetheless, around my heart, has formed a great big callous.

To forgive him for what he’s done, is not the biggest question, Though sorrow I feel for what went wrong—I bear no hate nor bad intention.

Each morning I rise with broken mind, trying to connect the vanished dots. As I extend my heart towards heaven—feebleness invades my thoughts.

You were my rock. My pillow. My security blanket… Exposed to the core—how will I possibly make it?

The hardest thing I ever did, was not forgiving “him,” But rather stepping into the darkness… without you to take my hand!!!